Its always been a plan of mine to try and get back in touch with my children, and It seems as though it is taking forever. It is absolutely frustrating not knowing what is going on in their life. I really want to be able to share some of their childhood with them, I want to be their when they have their first crushes, be there for a birthday a Christmas, be there for whatever they would need a dad to be there for.
Its been 5 years and yet i feel like i have lost the only thing in life that means anything to me. Actually i have lost the 2 things in life that i want back so badly that i hurt each and every day.
I remember when i was younger, i made myself some promises that i thought that i would always stick to. One of these promises was to always stay with my children should i ever become a dad. The reason i made this promise to myself was because i never had a father while growing up and even to this day i wonder what my father was like. Was he a lost soul like me?
Even though i try to stay positive, it seems to get harder and harder every day that passes me by without Tyler and Destiny. My son Tyler will be turning 9 in May and my daughter Destiny will turn 10 in June.
On to other things, i am now staying at the Mustard Seed Foothills shelter and trying to figure out where my life is going from here. I am actually looking for housing in a room of any sort, so long as it is a safe place where people don't use drugs and alcohol. I actually have to go talk to someone today in regards to a place.
I hope that in the months upcoming i will be able to find some peace in my life. It is an awful lonely feeling being homeless and i really want to change these circumstances so that i can lead a more rewarding life. I even have a hard time continuing my book because when your in a shelter there is always people around and i am not into people looking at what i am writing. Its my own damn business and i want it to stay that way until i am ready to release it to all to read.
I want to quickly thank all those who continue to read my blogs and encourage you to continue to read them as i will be putting more on in the near future. By the way, i am still continuing to struggle with my addiction but i am doing a lot better then i have and i am finding the support that is helping me cope with my urges. i am also trying to get a new network of friends who do not drink or use drugs, this is actually a very hard challenge.
I don't want to bore you all any longer then i have to, but i do hope you will leave words of encouragement as i can tell you that it really helps me tremendously. Thanks again for all your support and enjoy your day.
Tim Barber
Not Alone
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Hi Tim,
ReplyDeleteI feel like I know you. I read your blogs and I can understand where your heart is. I know the addiction is a struggle, but if you continue to stay clean you will be able to look back pretty soon, in the near future, and say..I did it. I deserve to be where I am . I have proven that I am in control, not the drugs, not the alcohol, me Tim. Your life is worth living Tim..and you do deserve to be doing well. I truly truly hope you find your way out of this and get to see the children again. Your friend, Carol
We love you sweets. I will be at starting at the Booth tonight babe. Hope I get to see you at the Center by about 8:pm, call me so we can hook up, you have my number.xxx Oh it's me. Kim<3
ReplyDeleteTim, it sounds like we are where we are for different reasons but we are both on the streets. I am new to this and don't know how to deal with it (or even if I want to deal with it). Where does a guy start looking for help in the Calgary area? I am living in my car for now but don't expect that will last long. it looks like we both like to write to think. My thoughts are at http://cantankerousoldfart.blogspot.com/
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