TRYING TO PAY IT FORWARD

I am pissed off at myself and I really think I have every right to be. I haven't been giving it 100% for the last couple of months when I really should have been. Maybe I am being a little too hard on myself. I don't think that there is one perfect person in this world. I know that i am not perfect. What i am trying to say is, yes, i have been using drugs and alcohol lately. I have not been the better version of myself that i was trying to be.

Its time to take control of my life and make changes. I do not want to be homeless when i die. I am about to try and become a difference in this homeless world i live. From this day forward i Tim Barber am going to start living a life with more meaning.

I met a wonderful woman the other day that is doing something to help the homeless. Her name is Kim. Kim volunteers her time with Walking with the Homeless. I had an opportunity to sit down with Kim over coffee and i have to say it made something in my mind click. Maybe I'm not making any sense to you. I feel as though i finally realized that really i am not alone and i can help make a difference. Thank you Kim.

Which brings me back to my original point.

I start a new job tomorrow and i truly hope that i will be able to handle going back to work full time. Lets just say that i am going to conduct an experiment of my own. Oh!! By the way, i want you, my reader, to get involved.

You see, i don't see my followers climbing very well and i am also going to try and change that. I want you to start talking to all your friends and family and get them to become a follower. Please. I am going to give you the opportunity to help me stay clean and sober. Every day that i see at least one more follower from the previous day, it will make me stronger to see that there is more then 35 people that care about making a difference. I know that there is thousands of people that care whats happening with the homeless. The homeless need people like you.

I really want to try and get some closure on things in my life. Slowly i am doing this. I know that your probably lost by now. I sometimes just ramble on. Lately i just have been having mixed feelings and emotions. There are certain days that i want to give up and a big part of me does. For some strange reason i still seem to wake up each and every morning and i wonder what my day has in store. I really didn't know what to expect. Ive had no routine. Its time i tried to get into some sort of routine, thus starting a new job tomorrow. I really do want to try and become a better version of myself.

I think the next couple of weeks will be crucial in any kind of good i may do. What i mean to say is, i want to stay clean and i want to give back to the homeless in the best way possible. I have a brain. Oh by the way, so does every homeless person. Did you know that they are people too. Sorry i just get a little angry when i see some people, the way they look at me or other homeless people. Not everybody but some people. I wasn't trying to be funny.

So basically, i look forward to all your comments whether that be good or bad, just comment. I want yo be able to write more blogs in the near future and i will. I need you, my reader, to go talk to people, just mention it , it only takes a second or two. I look forward to making a difference and with your help, we will.

Quick update:

I still have not got news from lawyer about when first visit with kids is, but should be soon. Cross my fingers.

Possible new author coming onto blog soon. Her name is Brittany and she is 19 years old and homeless.

I am going to try and become a better person. I truly want to live a clean and sober life. This is no easy task for me. Im clean today and i will continue to work on that. Whatever it takes, i need to find a way to maintain that. I truly beleive that i could be in my own place by the First of February. I just need to apply what i think and know to my life. I havnt been doing that. It really pisses me off that i didnt liten to my granpa 30 years ago. Save , put away money for when you get old. Now i am getting old and i have nothing to show for it. I have had so much in my life. When i look back at all the furniture and knick knacks, not to mention money. Good paying jobs, company vehicle. Why did i let my life get like this.

Easy! Addiction is a disease. I unfortunanettly am one that gets addicted to anything that involves pleasure. Well most things that involve pleusure. The funny thing is, i have no interest in sex at this poiint of my life. Wird. Then again, it would probably prefer a sex addiction over crack. The way my luck is though, mine would be a no sex addict.

The only real thing i care about right at this point of my life is when i finally get to have a life with my children once again. I will say it again even though i know you already know this, but i need them to regain the only happiness i truly have felt in my life. I love and miss my chilren and i know that God will put me back with my children when God knows it is time. I truly beleive that. I just dont want to be a messed up human being when that chance arrives.

I want to thank all my readers for listening and I look forward to hearing all your comments.

HOPE
INSPIRATION
COMPASSION
Do something this week for a homeless person
Buy them a coffee or just say hello,
Thanks,
Tim Barber