Scared

Hello all.

I know that you all have been waiting patiently for me to write another blog, so here it goes.

For the past month i have been trying to find work and also i have been spending a lot of time to myself. The biggest reason for spending time on my own is because it could become a reality that i will finally see my children and i needed time to figure out what i really need to do in my life in order to be a father , not just a father but a really good father to my children once i get that opportunity again. I just don't want to fuck it up like last time because i don't think that i could handle my life anymore if i were to lose them again.

In truth, i am a very scared individual right now and for the past month i have been debating on whether or not to bother in their life and to maybe just let them be. I know that right now, today i still don't feel like i have it in me to cope with things to come. I can tell you this though, i am not going to give up my fight to try and re acquaint myself with them. I need them in my life like a person needs air. They were my everything when i had them and i just travelled down a path of evil that i did not want them to be a part of. It may be that it took a long time to finally realize that but i at least am now trying and try i have.

I am well on my way to beating this addiction i have. I realize that if i go down that road of addiction again that i would no doubt lose the chance of being a father ever again. It sounds weird to me when i even think that because the fact is i am a father and i need to keep reminding myself of that.

I am so scared right now that i can hardly focus on anything but my children. I find myself listening to talented kids that sing and find myself weeping all alone in my place. I almost feel like i don't deserve anything good in life and really need to stop being so hard on myself. I find myself in tears so often these days over such weird things. I will be watching TV and something i see will just bring me to tears in such a spur of a moment. I am so sensitive and i have been like this all my life.

I think that my sensitivity has been a big downfall in my life. I don't think woman want a sensitive man but a real man but really what is a real man. I am confused. I have not been with anyone in some time and i think i am more scared of someone actually loving me for that sensitive guy i am and tend to become a loner. Maybe i am rambling but it always makes me feel better to write because a part of me just wants to Be a better person.

On August 29Th my lawyer goes to court in regards to me getting access to my children and my lawyer thinks she will have good news for me on Tuesday. I am scared. I really don't know if i am ready, it could be just a matter of a couple of weeks before i see them and i still don't know what to say or what to do.
I need help and i need advise and i would hope that you, my reader, would inspire me once again so that i can be positive in my future with my children.

I don't know what else to say, i do look forward to encouraging comments.

Thank You,
Tim Barber

Small Blog

I am doing well and just wanted to let my readers know that I will be posting another blog soon. I just got my Internet set up and I look forward to writing another good blog for you all.

I am actually waiting for word from my lawyer in regards to my children, and this news should be coming by the end of next week.

By the way, if anyone knows of anyone needing some labor work done, please contact me at tjwbarber@hotmail.com

I am now trying to find work as my medical social service plan has run out. So if you need some general help with anything or know someone who is looking for a good employee, please email me.

I am going to say good bye for now but i will be writing again within a couple of weeks,,, I promise...

Still here!
Tim Barber
Your Writer