Being an addict, I always have to be careful of my thoughts and feelings. every day can bring new obstacles and sometimes even something pleasant.
I'd like to share some of those thoughts and feelings with you, my reader.
I'd like to start with my feelings. Lately, actually for the past couple of weeks I've actually started to relax and enjoy every day life. My feelings have been, well, let's just say that I haven't been feeling angry, sad, frustrated or any kind of negative feelings for the better part of the previous two weeks. Ive been kind, caring compassionate and down right happy.I believe there is a good explanation for this.
First, I think the medication I'm taking is actually taking effect. The medication I am taking by the way is Celexa an anti-depressant.
The second reason for my change I would have to say is due to you, my reader. It seems as though I have actually gained some followers in the last couple of weeks and actually connected with some. I also think that you, my reader are praying for me and for my good health. So, for you who have been praying for me a big thank you goes out to you and I hope you will continue to keep me in your prayers.
One of the other reasons for my happiness is due to a reader of mine that I actually had the opportunity of meeting for coffee last week. This reader knows who they are, and I want to say thank you and your beautiful daughter for making not only my day but my weekend. I hope that you had a wonderful Fathers Day. By the way, that goes for all my fellow Daddy's out there.
Now, as for my thoughts. Up until a couple of weeks ago my thoughts were divided between many things and to give you an idea of some of these thoughts, I figured I would list them to give you a general idea.
Thoughts of using, of seeing my children, whether I will ever see them again, whether i will ever have my own place, where will I get my next meal from, where is my life going, will I die at an early age like my Mother and Sister, will I ever work again, will I ever be in another relationship, will I ever be married, etc... etc... etc...I think you get the point. However, lately my thoughts are more geared towards looking forward in life and trying to be the best version of me I possibly can. I am not worried about what direction my life is taking me and I just go with the flow. All this and still I am not using.
As a final thought i would like to mention that I am now volunteering at the Salvation Army in the kitchen. I am also continuing with my counselling and life is good.
I do hope you liked this newest blog and I look forward to all of your comments whether they are good or bad. Please feel free to comment as often as you like. Also, I would recommend that you go further back to the beginning of all these blogs and comment on some of the other authors. By the way, keep up with the prayers and God Bless!
Tim Barber
You, My Reader give me HOPE
I think we all need a little HOPE
KEEP ON READING!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
From My Book
I thought that maybe for a change,, I am going to share a small potion of my book with you, my reader.... I hope you like what you read and please feel free to leave comments... My autobiography should be complete by the end of this year....I hope that you will reserve a personal copy for yourselves....ENJOY!!!!
It’s Monday morning and I'm listening to Air Supply on my new MP3 player. It’s actually very soothing, for I haven't heard them for many years, except now and then over the years on the radio. It really does bring back a lot of memories, both good and bad.
I just started another addiction program at the Salvation Army Center Of Hope in Calgary, Alberta and I'm only meters away from where I used to use quite frequently so so many times. You see, Crack Cocaine was my so called drug of choice. I've actually always hated the term drug of choice, because I honestly had a choice and it was always the wrong choice doing crack. I have actually now been clean from Crack for just over three months, and although it’s a great accomplishment, I still feel I have a long, long way to go.
My story is going to take you on a journey of my life growing up from childhood to adulthood, to the position I am currently in, and I must warn you that there will be a lot of very graphic situations and details surrounding my life. I do hope that all that read this book will find at least one useful piece of detail from this book and apply it or not to your own life. So before I begin, maybe I should introduce myself!
Hi, my name is Tim Barber and I am an addict. This is my real name, and I will not be giving you true names of other people that will be mentioned throughout this book, but all facts will be true and I absolutely will not embellish any part of this book as I feel the garbage that I put up through life is enough in itself to make someone puke. Well, maybe that’s getting a little carried away, but this you will have to decide for yourself. Now if you’re already thinking about putting this book down,,, DONT, just don't you fucking dare!! I have a lot of good stuff coming up. Sorry, but I think my story is worth telling and I truly believe that you will ultimately get something out of it.
I grew up in Toronto, actually Rexdale to be more precise. Then again, I moved around so much as a child, you could sort of say I grew up for the most part in Southern Ontario. You see, my Mother had five children by the time I was six or seven. Sorry, but sometimes dates are going to a little foggy at times, and you'll understand why as my story progresses. I was the oldest of would later be five other brothers and sisters. Their names from oldest to youngest were Robyn, Dougie, Garry, Jamie and Holly.
I thought I would mention quickly that there may be times throughout my story that I will talk about things that are going on at the present time. I wont know exactly when this will happen, as every day is different, however, I do have something to say about my day right now.
I just told my story of my life to about twenty other addicts in class today, and I am shaking all over, not to mention that Air Supply is bringing back a flood of memories and sadness. I should turn off this fucking crap, but I can’t because this hurt feels so good! Is that weird or what? I just want my old fucking life back, and in order to do that, I needed to start all over. God, how I miss my children. Yes, I am a father. I have a boy and a girl. Their names are Tyler and Destiny. To this point all names have been real. I haven't seen them or heard from them in about two and a half years to three years. They are forever in my mind though, and I am just finally making steps to get them back in my life. This however may take some time, and I look forward to the time I will be able to see them and love them once again.
Tim Barber,
HOPE for the HOMELESS
It’s Monday morning and I'm listening to Air Supply on my new MP3 player. It’s actually very soothing, for I haven't heard them for many years, except now and then over the years on the radio. It really does bring back a lot of memories, both good and bad.
I just started another addiction program at the Salvation Army Center Of Hope in Calgary, Alberta and I'm only meters away from where I used to use quite frequently so so many times. You see, Crack Cocaine was my so called drug of choice. I've actually always hated the term drug of choice, because I honestly had a choice and it was always the wrong choice doing crack. I have actually now been clean from Crack for just over three months, and although it’s a great accomplishment, I still feel I have a long, long way to go.
My story is going to take you on a journey of my life growing up from childhood to adulthood, to the position I am currently in, and I must warn you that there will be a lot of very graphic situations and details surrounding my life. I do hope that all that read this book will find at least one useful piece of detail from this book and apply it or not to your own life. So before I begin, maybe I should introduce myself!
Hi, my name is Tim Barber and I am an addict. This is my real name, and I will not be giving you true names of other people that will be mentioned throughout this book, but all facts will be true and I absolutely will not embellish any part of this book as I feel the garbage that I put up through life is enough in itself to make someone puke. Well, maybe that’s getting a little carried away, but this you will have to decide for yourself. Now if you’re already thinking about putting this book down,,, DONT, just don't you fucking dare!! I have a lot of good stuff coming up. Sorry, but I think my story is worth telling and I truly believe that you will ultimately get something out of it.
I grew up in Toronto, actually Rexdale to be more precise. Then again, I moved around so much as a child, you could sort of say I grew up for the most part in Southern Ontario. You see, my Mother had five children by the time I was six or seven. Sorry, but sometimes dates are going to a little foggy at times, and you'll understand why as my story progresses. I was the oldest of would later be five other brothers and sisters. Their names from oldest to youngest were Robyn, Dougie, Garry, Jamie and Holly.
I thought I would mention quickly that there may be times throughout my story that I will talk about things that are going on at the present time. I wont know exactly when this will happen, as every day is different, however, I do have something to say about my day right now.
I just told my story of my life to about twenty other addicts in class today, and I am shaking all over, not to mention that Air Supply is bringing back a flood of memories and sadness. I should turn off this fucking crap, but I can’t because this hurt feels so good! Is that weird or what? I just want my old fucking life back, and in order to do that, I needed to start all over. God, how I miss my children. Yes, I am a father. I have a boy and a girl. Their names are Tyler and Destiny. To this point all names have been real. I haven't seen them or heard from them in about two and a half years to three years. They are forever in my mind though, and I am just finally making steps to get them back in my life. This however may take some time, and I look forward to the time I will be able to see them and love them once again.
Tim Barber,
HOPE for the HOMELESS
Monday, June 7, 2010
UPDATE
I figured it was about time to write a new blog and fill all you readers in on what is currently happening in my life. I would first like to thank all those who have commented on some of my posts and encourage you to continue leaving comments. It is actually helping me very much with my recovery. My last post was asking for prayer, and I thank each and every one of you who have been praying for me to continue as I continue on my recovery journey. I actually have been staying clean every day I see a new comment on my blogs. I find it to be a big motivator for me to continue to stay clean and sober in hopes of a brighter future.
Even though I am still currently considered to be homeless, I am actually paying rent. I am currently in a paid room at the Center Of Hope at the Salvation Army. However, in my opinion I feel more independent and at least it is a step up. My next step is to take part in some counselling that I have lined up starting tomorrow. The second step is to try and get into my own place out of the downtown area.
I can tell you this though, it ain't easy being homeless. Some of you may think that its easy because we get a roof over our heads and three meals a day. However, in my position I now have to pay for all of my own meals. There is no more handouts, I have to go to some of the free food places to get a good meal. Of course, being a smoker doesn't help my matters much. Anyway, I don't mean to vent but I tend to get frustrated and bitter, I am just so sick and tired of being homeless and really do want to be in a place I can call my own.
I hope that all my readers can continue to read my blogs and I would like to encourage each and every one of you to find a friend or family member and invite them to become a follower, my goal is to try and have 50 followers by the end of June. I know that with your help I can achieve this simple goal. I will make a commitment to you to continue to write a blog, and the more followers I get the more blogs I will write.
Again, I want to thank each and every one of you and please continue to pray for me, I really appreciate what this forum has done for me.
Tim Barber
Homeless Still; Gaining HOPE With Every Day.
Even though I am still currently considered to be homeless, I am actually paying rent. I am currently in a paid room at the Center Of Hope at the Salvation Army. However, in my opinion I feel more independent and at least it is a step up. My next step is to take part in some counselling that I have lined up starting tomorrow. The second step is to try and get into my own place out of the downtown area.
I can tell you this though, it ain't easy being homeless. Some of you may think that its easy because we get a roof over our heads and three meals a day. However, in my position I now have to pay for all of my own meals. There is no more handouts, I have to go to some of the free food places to get a good meal. Of course, being a smoker doesn't help my matters much. Anyway, I don't mean to vent but I tend to get frustrated and bitter, I am just so sick and tired of being homeless and really do want to be in a place I can call my own.
I hope that all my readers can continue to read my blogs and I would like to encourage each and every one of you to find a friend or family member and invite them to become a follower, my goal is to try and have 50 followers by the end of June. I know that with your help I can achieve this simple goal. I will make a commitment to you to continue to write a blog, and the more followers I get the more blogs I will write.
Again, I want to thank each and every one of you and please continue to pray for me, I really appreciate what this forum has done for me.
Tim Barber
Homeless Still; Gaining HOPE With Every Day.
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